I didn't get my perfect fantasy, but it's okay.

One month in Beijing, Forever Singapore.

Sat, 14 Nov 2009 19:18:36 GMT

Finally home! How time flies...

I've missed home so much. I've never been this eager to go home, and now I'm finally back. It's not that Beijing isn't fun. I had alot of fun when I was there. So many things happened. I've experienced so much. I've learnt more than I thought I would. I'm able to see and judge better now, be it towards people or any aspects in life. In short, I think all of us who went there have matured from the trip.

I can't even remember what I wanted to say.. I'm just glad I'm home, though it is taking me some time to adjust myself to this familiar environment.. Yea, the irony.. I just feel very out-of-place when I woke up this morning. It's not that I do not or have forgotten how to get myself around Singapore.. I'm not very sure what it is anyway. Maybe it's the things that I'm doing here isn't the routine that I practice when I was in Beijing. No more freezing weather, no more snow, no more independency, no more freedom, no more yucky food, no more........

No. I don't miss Beijing. (8

Monday's school............... & I dread the thought of having to go back. Mr Chan T C is having one of his most horrible hit of PMS + Anal Combo. Or that's what Rajesh told me when I saw him at the airport. School = %$#@#!$#*&$@! Awesome much? I hope Chan TC won't give me and SK a hard time when we go back. )8

Day Fifteen.

Mon, 26 Oct 2009 01:44:43 GMT

Eighteen more days here in China. It's funny, cause as much as I miss home and want to be back asap, I also don't wanna leave Beijing. I'm having so much fun with the friends here and I don't think I'll be able to have this kinda fun when I'm back in Singapore.

Anyways, it's not just having fun when i'm here. I obviously should be learning something from the trip and yea I did. I had plenty of lessons, be it for school or for survival or personal. Even though school work isn't progressing as well as I've had expected myself to achieve, at least I'm not here sitting and bumming around and wasting my parents' money away. (8

So many scandals happening here between the students.. It's fun to see people getting closer as a couple and all. It's fun to laugh and joke and tease em.

Pictures are on FBK. SO many unglamourous pictures of me, so whoever loves laughing at me and my retarded face, go on there and have the joke of your life. Hahaha, alright, gotta go back to work. Must be fair to Germaine.

Missing you lesser and lesser. I don't even see myself thinking about you until I see something that represents you, like your scarf. It's funny how it doesn't hurt me anymore. I am not even sad. I love you but I realised that I don't love love you either. I actually don't love you that much at all. Ohwells, the heart IS complicated like that.

Beijing. Week 2.

Tue, 20 Oct 2009 02:06:07 GMT

One week gone in a flash. Beijing have been fun so far, apart from the freezing temperature and oily/salty food.
I tried to be adventurous when we go out. Tried scorpions and grasshoppers. Not gross at all. Very delicious actually. Scorpions tastes exactly like soft-shell crabs and the grasshoppers like chips that melts in your mouth. Really crisp and crunchy. Yum! McDonald's here sells pork burgers. (Y) They don't have apple pie though.. Quite disappointed but their taro pie is quite yum. Chocolate apple pie is gross to the max.
What else. Drinking sessions? Yea, we drank. ALOT. Fun, but.. nvm. (8
I wanna go back home. There's so many things from SGP that I miss. I miss the people I love. I miss the food.
I hope my friends are doing well back home. Dear Qing's so stressed up with school and life for Michelle's not any better. I hope they both won't fall ill from the stress they're facing. God, please watch over all of them for me okay? Love.
I've so much to say but only so little time. I've gotta go back to research and get ready to have fun tonight. (8
Realized that it isn't all that difficult to throw away what hurt me and enjoy myself fully here. Now I know where to put my love and how to use my love in proper amount on different people.
I was depressed and hopeless during my 1st few days here but am picking up myself and I am so much better now. Never gonna behave stupidly like I've used to. Not gonna, no. (8

Maybe, this is human nature.

Wed, 14 Oct 2009 07:14:45 GMT

Yes I am fucking hurt, but no I'm not gonna cry. It's not worth it.
You just don't know what's good for you.

Beau tee full.

Sat, 03 Oct 2009 10:48:52 GMT

HEY. I AM BEAUTIFUL OKAY. I AM. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL TOO. REALLY. YOU ARE. DON'T SAY NO.

Food for thought.

Thu, 01 Oct 2009 07:18:58 GMT

" When deep injury is done to us, we never recover until we forgive.
Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future."

When you start to finally realize that you're losing yourself, you've already lost your mind.

Fri, 25 Sep 2009 08:51:36 GMT

I was having a nap on my desk, trying to recharge myself from the lack of sleep.... I fell into a deep sleep. I was in a dream. Weird dream. I saw something and I felt it. It felt real. Now I'm wide awake and scared. It shows 4:32pm on my digital watch now. This means I was only asleep for about half an hour.

The last thing I remember from the dream was me in school and watching something and somehow Halifah and Germaine appeared. They were running around like some mad woman, I have no idea why. What is even more puzzling was that they were both BOTAK. The next thing that happened was I saw myself, in the mirror, and..... I didn't have any eyeballs. My eye sockets were empty and they were BLOODY. I woke up in shock. UGGGH!

Is it a sign? Is God telling me that I shouldn't wear my contact lenses as often? Is he telling me that I'm gonna turn blind? Creeps.. I've been having problems with my eyes lately. Sometimes my eyes itch like crazy or they get irritated for what reason I don't know. I practice personal hygiene and clean my lenses properly so do not say that I didn't wash the lenses properly. I put eye-drops whenever my eyes feel irritated. I did whatever I had to do to maintain my eyesight. I take good care of my visual aids. So, what is this dream trying to tell me?

That is not all. See, the dream was a series of events. And there's two other part of the dream..... These two, is literally a nightmare. The effect is so intense that the goosebumps are still on my arms while I am typing. If I am really going blind, I know I can do something about it. But, if it is something else, something that is putting me in so much fear........ What would I do? Or rather, is there anything that I can do about it. I hate losing stuff; anything/anyone dear to me in my life.

You might also want to know that I don't usually remember my dreams. I hardly do. There must be some significant meaning to this dream because I still remember them, but what is it? I'm scared and I don't want to think about it, but it is just there in the brain. Where is Joan? Yea okay, I know that she's at the F1 concert now with Kela. I am just so afraid now, I want to be beside her. I don't know why Joan, but the heart tells me it must be her.

So weird.... /8

DREAMS ON ICE CREAMS WITH WHIPPED CREAM.

Thu, 24 Sep 2009 02:37:57 GMT

School felt kinda active yesterday. Maybe because the results were released and people were talking about it for almost the entire morning. Speaking of which, I'm quite pleased with myself. Not that I've got results that hits up to the sky, but I've definitely made visible improvements. I can finally feel proud of myself.
Dinner took forever to come and I almost died from starvation last night. However, the night got more and more exciting when Andre starting talking about creating his own clothing line. If he's ever serious about it, I would collaborate with him. I'll get to design loads of shirts shoes and whatnot. Sounds so fun la! Have always been my dream to design, even if it is street-wear. Street-wears are fun to play with! & it's easy! They're just graphics on a piece of cloth. LOL.
OH! OH! Andre wanted to name his brand Borice. That's the name of his dog when he was in army. So, we were like saying that we could make it "BORICE by KAMBOM". Kam which is Andre's surname and of course Bom represents me la. I couldn't stop laughing at KAMBOM. Sounds so much like KAMGONG (blur/stupid/dumb in Hokkien). The name just sounded so wrong but fun at the same time!!! 8D
Sigh... Dreams can come one after another, each getting bigger than the former. I want this to come true. Be my own boss and having fun at the same time being one. Awesome right?

Know who I'm thinking about at this moment? ......................................................... MANTING!
I miss having fun with Man in school. It's just Fafa and me now. /8
If Fish was here, maybe life in school wouldn't be so boring..

One tight slap on your face I hope you wake up after this.

Tue, 22 Sep 2009 09:27:34 GMT

I just realized it's TUESDAY today. I thought it was Monday cause I'm having such a bad day at school. I thought it was just Monday blues, but it isn't of course! It's not even Monday and whatever that's making me feel this way has nothing to do with school work. In fact, the presentation went so well this morning I ate my lunch so heartily I forgot that I'm supposed to be on a diet.

Really want to spend more time with people i LOVE. Beijing trip is just a couple more weeks away and I can't imagine how I'll live outside of my comfort zone for one month half. I'll definitely miss people, even though it's just a short trip. I'm glad friends are making an effort to meet up with me, but there are just some people... I am just so so so disappointed with. )8 Don't think she's this dumb to not realize? Then again, I wouldn't wanna waste my breath or energy on someone like that anymore. I'm just gonna play the silent game and see the clown play its game. I'll sit and laugh.

This emotional roller coaster is driving me mad, and when a girl is mad, she does mad things. A girl's gotta bitch when it's time.

I've made this entry public, on purpose.

Officially started - Day One.

Mon, 07 Sep 2009 09:12:38 GMT

Ahhh, it's the FYP. How awesome. Everyone's still floating in their own dreamland of holidays and fun. School's never been this unproductive and boring. I mean it when I said boring. I came school at 9am to attend the briefing that I was late for and then that's it. We were assigned to our lab room and personal PC, which took draggy two hours. I sat down at my seat looking at my watch, wondering when it is ever gonna be 6pm. I did that since 12pm, and now it's about 5 and I am still doing the same thing. Oh, it'll be unfair if I left out the part that I facebooked and bloghopped here and there. Only the part when I was looking at different recipes and Fashion blogs was enjoyable. Other than that, I had to suffer a stiff neck and back from the bad posture I got from sleeping on my desk. So much for FYP. Where the hell is Sheng Kang by the way? Leaving me all alone like that... )8 I want the chocolate waffles from the push-cart stall at McDonald's.....

Day Two - I will be expecting serious work. Serious. Work. Hmmmm...... Doesn't sound like me. Oh well, need to graduate what.

Is it 6pm already? Fuck man. It's only 5:09pm. I only took six minutes to type this entry and it felt like an hour.

Another note to self and maybe yourself too.

Tue, 01 Sep 2009 19:04:49 GMT

" Absence is to love what the wind is to fire. When it is a small fire, the wind kills it, but when it is a real fire, it intensifies it. "

So that's what absence should be like.
There's just so many things in life to discover and learn from. I am so falling in love with Diane V.F., for her fashion, and for her godly advises in life. So wise, and so down-to-earth. She's just so awesome. Love.

Food for thought.

Tue, 01 Sep 2009 18:54:58 GMT

" The most important relationship you have in your life is the relationship you have with yourself, because no matter what happen, you will always be with yourself."
- Diane von Furstenberg

Mardy Bum, Oh there's a side of you I much prefer. It's the one that laughs and jokes around.

Sun, 30 Aug 2009 08:25:10 GMT

This ain't movie love, no fairytale conclusion ya'll. It gets more confusing everyday.
Sometimes it's heaven sent, then we head back to hell again.
We kiss then we make up on the way. I hang up, you call, We rise and we fall, and we feel like just walking away as our love advances we take second chances. Though it's not a fantasy, I still want you to stay.
Maybe we'll live and learn, maybe we'll crash and burn.
Maybe you'll stay, maybe you'll leave, maybe you'll return,
Maybe we'll never fight.
Maybe we won't survive.
Maybe we'll grow, we never know.
Baby, you and I. We're just ordinary people, we don't know which way to go. Cause we're ordinary people, baby we should take it slow, take it slow. This time we'll take it slow.
`

DIY FLOP PLOP.

Tue, 25 Aug 2009 17:07:47 GMT

Bad attempt to fray my ONLY pair of black jeans. It didn't turn out as nice and cool as the one in the picture I found online. So disappointed. Gonna throw that pair of jeans away liao........ )8 My sister said it looks like something ahlians would wear. I was full of what-the-fuck. AH, never mind never mind. That pair of jeans is cheap and old already anyway...

I need a temp job badly.
Hate being so broke. Haven't been this broke before. Why is everyone turning 21 this year!!!!!???

For the last time I'm telling you.

Fri, 21 Aug 2009 18:12:04 GMT

FUGLY is ME.
Can't stand it. My face looks like shit, and I gained two KGs.
Just now at dinner with the family, everyone was saying how ugly I look now.
Face peeling and all that shit. They said I look awful. My face is drained of all colours. They said I look dead and flaky. HAHA. WTF alright. Felt so demoralized and unbeautiful. They say me fat also. KNS.
After dinner was reallly horrible. There weren't any plans made. Everything's so last minute. Nobody bothered to do anything about it, and when I tried to make a suggestion, everyone would say OK OK OK but they continued sitting down chatting away. Piss off. Might as well go home. Why waste one hour and half sitting down deciding on NOTHING?
Feel bloody upset and angsty today. Bad day. Stupid phone call.
Oh thanks to those who were concerned. I'm good so no worries. I was probably suffering from hormonal imbalance or something abnormal. Which ironically, is normal for me. HAH. IGNORE ME.

OH OH DID I MENTION THAT I AM FUCKING BROKE TOO?! UGH!

Sing along tonight with me.

Thu, 20 Aug 2009 18:33:45 GMT

This week's (Y).
I met awesome people.
Last Sunday was Sentosa with Evonnie and Alicia and I miss hanging out with them.
Danielle and Eileen was supposed to join us but because...
Never mind that now cause dinner tonight with this buncha girls really made up the past few months of hectic lifestyle.
Pictures on FBK. Can't be bothered uploading pictures here. So troublesome.

Dear Joan,
Please cheer up and let me put some optimism into you. I love you okay? Don't think too much about silly things cause it's useless. Study hard. I miss you now, but I'll see you later in the morning for some Yakun. Goodnight Love. (8

P.S. Holidays ends on the 7th Sept. I have curfew, means no partying at all = there goes my holidays. SAD LIFE. Then again, it's not so bad lah. My mom loves me. (8

Life's too short to be suffering under such circumstances.

Mon, 17 Aug 2009 19:05:17 GMT

It's almost 3am in the morning.
Stressing out on 3D modeling and animating them.
I am seriously lacking of talent. TSK...
Oh, why am I even here wasting my time???

I miss my Joan. She's always sleeping earlier than me. It's so unfair. Why do I have so much to do? Life in Year 3 sucks. Mercy on all of us leh. Whole class have been losing sleep and falling sick. Never mind. Just one more week left and we're through this shit. Tahan a little more.
Have been eating a little more than usual. I can feel the tummy rolling out another layer already... Must eat lesser.

Need to go on a HOLIDAY.

Hello I am burnt. )8

Sun, 16 Aug 2009 14:37:35 GMT

Simple-minded, gullible or just plain stupid?
You tell me.
Think I'm damn fucking stupid la.
How did I even get to know such people?
My life is not just sad. My life is also very unlucky.

3D Modelling and Animation is killing me slowly. Wished I was born a genius. Wouldn't have to deal with so much problems. I can only wish....

fuck love stories.

Mon, 10 Aug 2009 08:28:28 GMT

Need to stop being so crazy. Need to be in control.
Remember to prioritize, Janice.

I've been so blind. Yea, I AM blind la, whatever. I always let my heart lead me. Then I end up getting hurt. I never learn. Maybe they are right. No wait. They ARE right! But wait ah. I'd like to try again. I never gamble. I hate gambling with money. But I'll gamble with this. I will bet on optimism. Just hope it wouldn't dry up before I can see the result.
I want to graduate. I need to graduate. Then earn money. (8

Give it one more shot of secondsminuteshours.
-Time.

Tonight will be the night that I will fall for you over again.

Sun, 09 Aug 2009 09:24:18 GMT

So breathe in so deep
Breathe me in, I'm yours to keep
And hold on to your words, cause talk is cheap
And remember me tonight, when you're asleep.

Insomnia. Irregular meals. Indigestion. Loads of work. Love. My Mom.

Hello world, Happy Birthday to Singapore. (8

Love is giving not taking.

Sun, 26 Jul 2009 16:29:59 GMT

The only fear that I have now is of you leaving me.
Consider that my biggest fear at the moment.
Can't imagine life without you. Even not seeing you for a day kills.

Prioritize, Janice! You've gotta get your ass down to serious business NOW NOW NOW!

What love sometimes bring us. (K is such an idiot.)

Thu, 23 Jul 2009 16:30:55 GMT

What a joke. You is the joke.
Seriously, you have the guts to break people's hearts, fuck them, show off to people who you have done it with and all, but you have no fucking balls to face me?! You didn't even have the courtesy to at least say hello. You know I saw you. Where'd you go hide again? Behind the bar huh!?
Why? Did your balls shrink so small you thought you became a little girl for a moment? Where did your "Anadconda" run to this time round? Or is it the ego again? _|_. Not fml this time round. FYOURL!

Don't see how any girl would fall for such jerks like you. I must've been blind. Wait, I AM half-blind!!! LOL!

Oh yea what did I want to say again? See la. Such low-life always distract me.
Hmm.. Ohya. The class is under LOA again. A good thing I guess? No school till Tuesday~
Seeing her makes me forget everything else. She tells me her flaws and all but I see her as beautiful. Knowing that she's out with other girls makes me cringe and suffer in jealousy. I would start to think about things that she could do with the girl she's with. My emotions would turn into a whirlpool and then I would want to cry. Cry because I am jealous. EEEEEEEE. So stupid right? Maybe this is love. I love her. (8

If only we can have our own house, I'd marry her and live with her in our little cosy home.

Thu, 16 Jul 2009 03:11:57 GMT

I hate this feeling.
My tummy still feels funny; this time round, I is not sure at all if it is gastric anymore.
It may be butterflies.

On another note, I hope I haven't gave you the wrong impression. I know your buddy have been doing too much teasing, making things look like another story. What you thought was history. I didn't want to be involved with your drama so I decided to back out when you disappeared for a period of time. And now that you've came back in contact, you thought things were still the way they are between you and me. The thing is, I know better. Your ex is intimidating. I have to steer clear. I think I have heard and seen enough. Don't want to make things worse for you. It seems already complicated enough for me. I hope for you to be happy, Be it with M, or N or your friends. <3

Sotong is as stressed as me. No, I am becoming as stressed as Squiddy is. But she's not a procrastinator. Me, I am. )8

OSW Common Test later. I don't know how I am going to finish the paper, but I know that I will be leaving the CT venue with disappointment. Nothing is going in and I am lacking of sleep. I might even sleep through the paper. Good game to me, yo.
See, I'm not even paying attention in class now. This 5% assignment is a present but I am about to throw it away. Slap me slap me. I need to wake up.

Colbie Caillat's Falling for you and Marie Digby's Say it again is replaying in my head for days now. Erika's voice is sexy. I want to own her so she can sing to me everyday whenever I want muahahahaha.

I can't read my heart.

Sun, 12 Jul 2009 18:29:12 GMT

I am trying not to tell you, but I want to
I’m scared of what you’ll say
So I’m hiding what I’m feeling
But I’m tired of holding this inside my head

Oh I just can’t take it
My heart is racing
The emotions keep spilling out

-Colbie Caillat

Just what am I thinking. I need a therapist.

It is time I start the engine. In fact, I am already late. Way too late. Speeding is dangerous, but I will have to take the risk now. For the last year, & then leave this wretched place and be a free bird. I want to be a tai-tai.

Even Bimbos are happier than you are, so what if they're dumb? They are happy people. Are you? On a plus note, they look hot but you don't, Loser.

BILLIE JEAN

Sun, 12 Jul 2009 04:23:00 GMT

EH VERY CUTE HOR!?